Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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