i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
