but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
