Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
MIDGETS
????
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
