Umm I'm too high to move.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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