literally had 100 drinks last night.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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