bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
