I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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