so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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