I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
God I need to hump something, right now.
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