similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
