cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
