theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
