Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
