My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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