I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
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