The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
