3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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