My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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