oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
