an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
