As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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