I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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