I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
