lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
