she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
When are your genitals available?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
