Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
