I just cut my nipple shaving
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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