So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
