Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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