Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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