oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
