And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
