I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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