I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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