So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
