PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Blow job season was short but glorious.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
