I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
