and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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