My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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