I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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