so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
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I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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