so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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