that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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