Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize