Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
