Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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