If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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