Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
