I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
someone threw a dead crab at me
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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