Is it normal to miss your booty call?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
