omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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