Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
