You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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