Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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