Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
