You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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