he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
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I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
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Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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