Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
