She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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