These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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