I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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