Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
