how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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