You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
