moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
