My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
