i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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