I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
